i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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