Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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