no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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