i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize