where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize