the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
