Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
