I'm lost and stupid without you.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
