Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
