having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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