What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Alive.
So much puke
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
