he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize