I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You pole danced in your parka.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
