I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
