Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
