She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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