I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Found your dick twin last night
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
