Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We are two peas in an std pod
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
