So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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