she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
