textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Randomize
