I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
