I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
