No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Duck Duck Cougar?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
