too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
