Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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