Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
