I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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