I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
