So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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