Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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