You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
