That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
