What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
