I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize