I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
