My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
