You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
