I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
