Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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