Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
