I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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