My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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