hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
