dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
