I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize