Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
