I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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