I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
