I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
