Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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