I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
