Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Life without a bra equals bliss.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
