I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
