I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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