Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize