Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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