I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
