also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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