mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There's always time for handjobs
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
