My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
