My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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