Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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