i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
