They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
