So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
