just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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