They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize