i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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