I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
