Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
